Chapter 44

"Anytime. I can tell you all about what it's like to be a mew, that's what helps me change."

Eleanor sighed. "Hayden, I think we've had this conversation before. Loch and I don't use personality. It’s about appearance—inside and outside. All this time being your handmaid, I could probably change into your twin if I wanted." She sighed, running her hands absently through Hayden’s hair. "Did I catch that right? The jirachi had to pull Julian off you on your second date?"

She whimpered. "It wasn't like that! He's not old enough to even understand that stuff. I wasn't either for most of it. I guess since last time he decided the Eldest should be bigger, so he made me do small pokémon. Nothing was gonna happen to me."

Eleanor pushed her away, resting sideways on Hayden's pillows. "How can you not be old enough for most of it? You're not Dialga, you can't change time!"

She stuck out her tongue, defiant. "Come on. I've seen you and Loch do baby pokémon. You know what it's like."

"I know what it's like to look different," she insisted. "And maybe your words get funny. But that doesn't mean you forget what boys do to girls. You're still the same person."

"Not really." Liz settled around Hayden's neck, where she had protective warmth and no danger of ending up in Eleanor's hands. There was good reason that most people's daemons slept on the floor. But that wasn't good enough for Liz, or apparently Loch either. "She's different when we change. Me too. That's the real reason she hasn't tried being a boy—she knows she can do it, but she knows it wouldn't last."

Hayden whined, snatching her daemon down into her nightgown to silence her. "You're supposed to be on my side, kitten. Don't just tell people that!"

Eleanor sighed, settling back into the bed. She rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. "I could change too, if it would make you feel better. Into a boy, I mean. It's not a big deal for me—Loch isn't a boy or a girl. My family are the same way, they switch all the time. Commoners are the confusing ones, staying the same their whole lives. That's why our family has old ties to Mew House—we have that in common. They intermarried, or… something, a long time ago. If you give Julian kittens one day, they'll be my… cousins, a billion times removed."

She shook her head once. "I remember before pretty good. I didn't like being close to people, didn't like them touching me. It wasn't fun, I don't think you'd like it much either."

Eleanor wrapped both arms around her in a brief, light hug. There was none of the tension she felt around Julian, or the need to be close to Cody. After visiting Sunyshore, Eleanor felt as much like family as her other sisters did. All they needed was the warmth of another eevee under the covers, and it would be just like home.

Hayden changed at that moment, back to brown hair and huge ears. Small enough that she didn't have to wonder about boys or kittens or anything else that would hurt. Liz clambered free of her dress, squeezing past to recline on her other side.

"When you first showed up, I thought… my mom had different plans for you. Did I ever tell?"

Hayden looked up, then shook her head sharply. "That I was gonna replace you, right? Inherit the house instead of you."

"Nope. Only a shaymin could inherit. That's… both of our problems, I guess. I thought my mom wanted to… wanted me to give you the saplings to plant. Some no-name kid tailor's son out of a fishing village would be my husband? And I'd have to spend every minute changed into a shaymin for nine months! Holding my breath that whole time would be easier!"

She looked away, down at the ditto congealed by her feet. "I guess it would be for Loch. He doesn't breathe. But I would die, either of embarrassment or stress."

Hayden relaxed. A long time ago, this would all sound like she was trying to insult her. Not so much anymore. "I see why you wouldn't want that. I didn't know the first thing about being noble."

"Still don't," Eleanor said matter-of-factly. "But I think that's the best part. I don't like the way my family did everything. Yours was… better." It was her turn to look away, letting go of Hayden's shoulder. If she could still read emotions, she would probably find that Eleanor was more embarrassed than ever. "If there wasn't a mew lord and my mom put us together, I don't think it would be the worst thing. Someone who knows what it's like to feel trapped, who wants to try being different people. If you ever want to practice being a boy around me, it might be fun. If you ever want to see what it would've been like."

She drifted off a few minutes later. Hayden took a little longer, her mind still spinning with everything that could've been. Eleanor was right about one thing—she didn't want to get trapped as just one person. Did that mean she couldn't be happy with just one life, either?

The next few days brought more changes to her life in Mew House. The family had their own staff of tutors, trainers, and trusted advisors. Unlike the Shaymin, Mew employed tutors across every type a pokémon could be, uniquely skilled in their particular pokémon's strengths.

That meant Hayden could pick whatever interested her on a particular day, meet a new sensei in the family dojo, and practice some new attacks or fighting style until she lost interest. Even better, the teachers never tried to make demands about how she lived the rest of the time, or forbid Eleanor to practice along with her. If anything, the ditto's determination was soon its own little rumor in the household, along with faint whispers about who that ditto really was.

Mew House didn't keep her on a tight leash, but she wasn’t free to run wild either. A pure-blood noble settling as a common pokémon was still the stuff of whispers and drama among the servants. Even so, her “handmaid” ignored it, showing all the grace a noble lady should under pressure.

Only one teacher would not permit Eleanor to come along for her lessons, and those also happened to be the ones that were rarest and most precious to Hayden. When she could spare the time, Steward Ilene's instruction was some of the most difficult, but also rewarding training Hayden could hope for. She pushed them harder than any sensei, she asked for painful practice and endless repetition—but even so, she taught things that no common pokémon ever could.

Hayden had servants to join her in both houses, and she generally did her best to ignore them in both. Except for when she left the mansion, and ventured into town. Then she had guards, including the company of one in particular. Of all her guards, only her brother was ever willing to talk to her. 

Getting far enough that he would allow the little jaunts was difficult enough. But the same strategy she used in Sunyshore ultimately won his help here too. Maybe the young betrothed of the most important bachelor in the world was at too much risk to wander around without a retinue and weeks of planning—but a servant girl and her big brother, how much danger could that be? The mansion kept hundreds of servants; no rival could track them all.

Besides, that meant she got to dress up in a plain servant's gown and spend an afternoon without people bowing to her. 

Holland still insisted on a seat in the back corner, still insisted on bringing Hayden everything, and still insisted on a few guards mixed into the crowd in plain clothes. But as far as days out went, she still preferred it to a carriage. 

The Mew capital of Whitestone was nothing like anywhere she'd ever lived before—it swelled to incredible size on the coast, big enough to fit her own hometown many times over. Everywhere she looked were taller buildings and more signs of thriving industry. 

"Not sure why you want ramen, Haydie. You could have anything in the world." He set the bowl in front of her, along with her chopsticks. "It's not too late to go somewhere else."

"You said this was the best." She perched high on the chair, legs kicking nervously back and forth underneath. Her idea of eevee was smaller than she liked—but at least it wasn't so small that the world stopped making sense. If only they didn't make her hide her ears in a stupid silly wig…

"It is. But you're too good to eat like this." He sat down beside her, sliding her along the bench until she was right up against the corner. He hung his sword up on a peg beside the chair. His daemon settled down just beside him, watching the room with harsh red eyes.

She showed how wrong he was by devouring the simple lunch as energetically as she could. Eevees needed lots of food to fuel their boundless energy, so she didn't have to pretend. She could probably eat a second bowl if Liz helped. Which of course, she always did.

"I'm not a different person than before, Holland. I just have a daemon you didn't guess."

Her brother picked at a piece of tofu floating along the creamy broth, breaking it apart with his chopsticks. "I… don't know how to tell you this, Haydie." He drew something from his belt, settling it on  the table in front of her—a dagger. He angled the flat of it towards her, reflecting her and the eevee perched on the table next to her.

"I've seen you enough to know now. You’re not… the old you. You act like… Ellie, maybe a little like Evelynn when you're taller. I don't know what the guru did, but you seem okay with it. I guess that's good—no one can tell a zapdos what to do."

Except Lady Gracidea. He wanted to come back in a decade. She didn't argue with him of course, there was no reason to. Some things weren't known by ordinary people, even the ones who guarded legendaries. She emptied her bowl, then pushed it aside for Liz to lick clean. The daemon could be a mew most of the time without getting too proud to enjoy something tasty.

"I'm happy," she said, punctuating her words with energetic taps from her chopsticks. "Despite everything they did to me. Liz and I wouldn't go back if we could. We agree—we settled right. The only bad part was getting caught before we could learn to change again. Then maybe we would've had a few more years with the family before… all this." She gestured vaguely around with her chopsticks. "Am I embarrassing to you? Do the other guards say things about me? Since they know…"

"About that? No. Worst I get are the ones asking why it wasn't me. If we came from some secret bloodline, it could've been the oldest who manifested, not the youngest. But Kagai and I ended up right, just like everybody does." He tucked the dagger away, then ate through his meal with military efficiency. "Most people don't want to keep changing. It's good to know the sort of person you are, so you can be the best version of that person there is. Doesn't it get confusing, switching around like you do?"

If Hayden was a little older, she would be wise enough to keep her head down and enjoy her time in their quiet corner. As an eevee—she wanted to change, so she did. Besides, eevee evolved, so becoming sylveon again wasn't that strange. Her ears poked out from her hair, her fake wig and tail tumbled away—but her servant's dress changed with her, expanding into a handmaid's longer gown with the cut in the bodice and the apron over her chest. 

Hayden relaxed visibly, adjusting the bow around her neck and freeing the ribbon trapped beneath. One end reached across the table, curling around Holland's free wrist. "I'm still being me," she insisted, her voice a low whisper. At a neighboring table, the patrons actually started clapping, cheering with delight at her “evolution” right there in the ramen shop.

That covered their conversation well enough to say what she meant. Good thing, since telepathy wouldn't work with a dark type. "Being a good mew means being good at lots of pokémon, instead of just one. Like playing your little sister so good nobody gives us a second look, even with ten guards wandering around outside."

Holland glowered down at the ribbon. "You were doing good before. But now… last time someone evolved in here, they took pictures. See?" He nodded to a back wall, where a half-dozen black and white photos showed various little groups posing. Each one had a chef, and their daemon featured prominently in front. "And free noodles for life."

She shifted again, subtler than before. She got a little younger, and changed the handmaid's uniform for one of the little brown dresses her parents often sold to sailor girls. It was the same color, though much rougher fabric. Importantly, all the Mew House patches, and lace were gone. "Free noodles for life," she repeated, settling both hands into her lap. "That's a lot of noodles."